as we begin this post, i am sitting in an upright position on my father's favorite leather, brown armchair. my eyes are closed and i am giving in because google tried to give me the runaround when, in fact, i knew my own password the whole fucking time.

i have no word processing software. over the course of my writing this, i expect to be moving around from spot to spot. maybe even opening my eyes for a few seconds, but don't count on it. i know that at some point i will be writing belly-down on the most beautiful andy warhol painting-to[urned-into-a-rug i have ever seen.

there is a movie on about the death of the guitarist for the rolling stones. basically now there is a lot of screaming. i am not v. interested. i should like to write a prophecy tonight.







all of the good in people...all of the good and the bad and the ...everything you need to know about a person is in the first three layers of the skin.first impressions are important, yes, but i'm not talking about job interviews or the first day of school. i'm talking about the magnificence that must exist to allow us--humans, platypus, sheep, pigs, cats, goldfish, birds--to look at one another and size up within 3 seconds if that person is right for them. bear in mind that the word "right" in this context has not been defined.it could mean "good" are they a "good" person. it could mean "right for me" "are they right for me?" "should i marry this person? "should i procreate with this person?" "should i fuck this person?" "should i make it my priority to never speaking to this person for the entirety of the rest of my life?"

we know these things. these things are basic. we hold these truths to be self-evided (duh), yet still we ignore them. i try to go after what i want and i am selfish. i have never been selfish/a bitch/a cunt/a sow before. but i never went after what i wanted before.

so in this entry, this blog has been relegaded from pop culture trivia to "everything else rachel doesn't want to say to people's faces". yes, only you, dear OTHER readers (HA) can read this shit. cuz it's about to get heavy.

it's robot time.

*******

last night (FYI i am now on the carpet), while i was on robot time i was watching youtube clibs of mitch hedberg. funny muthafucka. he was talking about club sandwiches and how that got started: "man, i love sandwiches," "yeah, me, too, man." "i like mine with 3 pieces of bread," "oh yeah? me too, man, we should start a club!" "and instead of cuttin 'em in half. we'll cut 'em into four squares." "yeah. how do you feel about frilly toothpicks?" "i love 'em."

fast forward to this evening (pre-RT) when i was talking to a friend of mine from school who just moved to los angeles yesterday to start his life. and when we got on the subject of creating a club for joblessness (great idea), he said we could eat club sandwiches and talked all about the frilly toothpicks. in love.

the carpet is moving. i can't tell if it's just moving in reaction to my movements or if it is moving of its own volition.but it's alive. i'm scared i'll make it go away. come back ridgy mountains of rug. stained by the hands of a man who wore a white wig.

j
;
errr.

feel the sweet embrace
of satan's hoof against your face.

the drum solo of LIFE.

life is a terrible thing to waste. you know what else is? your own equilibrium.

go. front to front to back. maintain the equilibrium. this was the hardest and most humiliating lesson for me to learn in sophomore year chemistry class. so many people are in here with me.

fat elvis is coming. i want someone to talk to.

so i know today is post heavy, but i thought i'd take a moment to share with you some of my new favorite commercials, local and nation-wide. the first is for some amazing sunglasses. i love how when people put them on, every time they mouth--they don't SAY--"wow!" and their problems all seem solved. i do not like the first-person camera work when they simulate the viewer putting on the commercials. it frightens me. i like the overuse of the word "vivid". apologies for the fact that it is recorded in someone's living room and the laugh in the background.



here's a particularly frightening local commercial for a store across town that sells "hippy". i have been in there once. it's too crowded with incense and candles and oil burners and buddhas and tapestries and the like. i like that the clothing picked is less flattering than the nudity portrayed. oh well, at least it looks comfy.



suit city makes the BEST commercials! this is not the one that plays on tv now, but i love that creepy little ricky ricardo, jr. lookin' kid.



there are more but i feel like i should save them.

so, right now on the history channel, there is a special on about the aryan nation and they are covering a july fourth parade put on by like the aryan headquarters in idaho. i have never seen such disrespect, chaos, and general base activity by any members of society as this. they have taken the most precious amendment and flipped it. weird. i don't know.

so now they're talking about hitler and mein kampf. did you know that mein kampf is a bestseller second only to the bible? also, did you know that hitler was functionally illiterate? yeah, i took a class called hitler and the holocaust spring of my junior year, and i'm not trying to look smart, but i learned a lot. he was in prison and he basically fucking ranted while his secretary took notes and organized it into a book later. hitler also had a weak stomach and was basically a vegan. i don't know. this is naive, but it makes me think like what if he got into that art school in austria? no, it wouldn't have been different. that's just so weird. it shows, i guess how desperate people can be for leadership that they go blind.

"we are growing bigger and bigger. and i'm sure glad i'm not a n*****."

WHAT?

allow myself to introduce...myself.

hello, and welcome!

it is a supreme pleasure to have you stop by, even if unexpectedly. this is a new endeavor that i'm undertaking. i don't have a clear focus for it yet, and i don't know if it will even pan out as [un]planned, but one never knows until one gives it the old college try. i will begin by telling you, the reader, a little about myself...

my name is rachel. i am currently serving time in my early twenties. this fall, i will be finishing up my undergraduate career and my film degree, taking a single class at hollins university. i should have graduated in may, but i found that college is like a really co-dependent relationship. hollins was the only college that really relentlessly pursued me, and i was so flattered that i gave in willingly after only protesting for about a month or so, as is my usual way of doing things in relationships. spring of 2008 came and went and i was all, "you know, it's time for me to say goodbye soon," and hollins was all, "come on, baby! we got a good thing goin' here, you don't really wanna start your life without me, do ya? what would you do with yourself?? we need each other. just gimme one more semester, huh?" to which i replied, "welll.....okay!" and proceeded to fail a core class for my major. granted, this is not the only thing which "made" me fail, but it is the only thing that needs to be divulged on a public forum such as this. i digress...

as i'm sure you have noticed, i prefer not to use capital letters if i can help it. this is only when i type, however, and i'm not sure why. it has nothing to do with e.e. cummings. so if this bothers you or if you perceive it bothering you in the near future, you might just stop reading now and move on to something that follows more Rules and Construction. but, as i can never be certain how my mood may direct my actions (as is always the case), i might use capitalization just because sometimes.

being an Artist (see? i use caps more in satirical fashion), i suppose i should get on with the Artist's Statement. this blog is not an emotional one, as opposed to others i have had. its intent is not for me to vent my feelings and have you, the reader, suffer along with me in some attempt to connect with an uncaring world via the Information Superhighway. my intent with this blog is clear and simple, and quite possibly overdone: to talk about popular culture.

ever since i can remember, i have been exposed to, and been sucking up like a sponge information on the world around me via tv, radio, movies, et al. you know that thing people say about how we only use 80 percent of our brains? well, i think that that is the truth. but i think that the 80 percent that i use, instead of being filled with helpful information, is filled with useless pop culture trivia. to put it more concisely (as i PROMISE i will be doing in the future): i know lyrics to a LOT of songs that i was not even on this world to hear when they were popular. once, an ex-lover called me when we were still dating simply to ask me who played cory's brother on Boy Meets World (will friedle), and after i told her in a "duh" way, she said, "ok, that's all. later." also, i have always wanted to be on the World Series of Pop Culture. i would own that shit. i have utmost respect for the editors of all vh1 programming for making it--especially reality shows--that much more entertaining. i want to work for vh1.

to give you a more broad or specific (depending on how you slice it) perspective on what will be discussed on this blog, here are some of my likes:

• music--many different kinds. i played bass guitar for five years and also sing, but i would be useless if i could not listen to music. i will be "reviewing" (i use that term very loosely) different music, old and new. i will probably lament about weezer at some point and how they have let me down. i like the shins. the strokes changed my life at one point. i used to be so emo. i like of montreal, even though they did an outback commercial. 2pac. that's all i really care about mentioning right now.
  
• records--i got a record player just last christmas from my parents, and i go to the flea market down the street from my college and explore the records there. recent purchases have included an incredible album by rick wakeman (keyboardist for YES) about the knights of the round table, and an album by the atlanta rhythm section that i bought basically just for the sleeve.
• astrology--much of my college days were/are spent talking astrology. i am a scorpio (the best sign on the zodiac. ask any scorpio and they will tell you the same), and i like astrology because when people tell you what their sign is you don't have to know anything, you just can say, "ohh. THAT makes sense," in a way that will make them question their very moral fiber. i don't think that astrology is the "only way", but i do think that it is true that we are connected to the elements and the moon and all that gay shit.
• bracelets--self-explanatory.
• directors--paul thomas anderson (though i have not yet seen There Will Be Blood), alfred hitchcock, wes anderson (which is also one of my dislikes), richard linklater, quentin tarantino, the coen bros., m. night shyamalan. JUST SEEING IF YOU WERE PAYING ATTENTION. only kidding, only kidding. ugh.
• products that are cleverly packaged.
• the office.
• li'l wayne--honestly, why do i need a reason? this man mixes codeine cough syrup and hi-c fruit punch. brilliant.
  
• mtv's programming geared toward the 18-24 demo.--true life is a great show, admit it. made is addictive.
  
• fourfour. it would really make me feel loved if you thought of this blog to be like his except severely lacking direction.
• the history channel
• a&e--intervention is one of my favorite shows, and the crime programming featuring the voice-over talents of bill kurtis is phenomenal.
• amy sedaris.
• celeb gossip.
• some books.
• britney spears--i can never deny my loyalty, deep down, for her and her mental state. i want her to do well. plus, she's a sagittarius, and i love those.
• target/old navy--i know people who can go to the goodwill and find, like, 8 outfits to wear that are awesome and look so cute on them. i am not one of those people (i think it is because my body is shaped weirdly. and i just..can't. do it.), but i know my way around these 2 stores. i can find deals... i actually think i have kind of a problem because as soon as i drive by the front entrance to target and smell that smell (you know the one...stale popcorn and, i don't know, mossimo), it's like something animal in me takes over. i'm on the prowl. old navy is sometimes hit-or-miss, but in target, things are always at least visually appealing enough for me not to get frustrated.
  

some things i do not like:

• skorts.
• gwyneth paltrow--as a person. because i know her. as an actress, she's alright.
• wes anderson--ok. so. i really like wes anderson's films. The Royal Tenenbaums is in my top 3, and i don't know why so many people gave The Darjeeling Limited so much shit. but. i do not like the people that generally love wes anderson's films. and, therefore, i do NOT like the people who do not like people who love wes anderson's films. because when people hear that i'm a film major, they invariably eventually ask, "so, do you like, like, wes anderson movies?" and when i say, "yeah, i do," they IMMEDIATELY judge me. it's like, look, man, i'm glad i could give you the satisfaction of thinking i am an idealistic fucking failure and you know more than me and the classes i've taken (none of which, by the way, were/are classes on wes anderson), and yes i have thick-rimmed glasses, but they have rhinestones on them! and i'm not wearing tweed yet, and damnit you just met me! don't tell me i'm "one of those". ass.
• sunscreen--it's annoying.
• miley cyrus/hannah montana--i don't get it. at all. i don't understand which one is which or when...? i do respect the ugly faces she/they make when she/they is/are performing. i do not respect her/their fashion choices, however.
• tila tequila--i'm confused about which list she should go under. i love her because she is a scorpio (even though she is on the cusp of libra, she is SUCH a scorp), but, come on, lady! you did not make gay marriage possible in california. finish patting yourself on the back for nothing, and move on. i would be friends with her, but probably in the way that i am friends with some people and hang out with them for a while, but they get me too keyed up cuz we always have to DO something. ugh.
• the da vinci code--i made a solemn oath never to read it. so, uh, i don't really have a reason for it being on this list.
• hitler--obviously.
• packing/moving.
  

that's all i can think of right now, i guess.

anyway, all of these things and more will probably be covered on this blog. some of it will probably be catching up to things that have already happened, but that i feel need mentioning/deserve a rant.

anywho, thanks for reading--if you've stuck it out this far--and hopefully i won't disappoint. too much.

cordially,

rachel.